It is customary for the groom to ask the father-of-the-bride for his daughter's hand in marriage. Now, we said it's customary, but it's also a bit antiquated, formal and possibly misogynistic. It does make you appear to be more of a gentleman, albeit a gentleman from around 1952.  

Is your bride a piece of property?

Part of the history of asking for your daughter's "hand in marriage" is that, according to Biblical scripture, there used to be a price paid for the daughter of a gentleman. The idea was that the woman would no longer be a working member of the father's family. (!) The price was measured in other property, paid to the father. In some places, the tradition still exists, particularly in parts of Africa where not only is a "bride price" paid (not to be confused with a dower), but the woman may be subjected to the highly nefarious practice of female genital mutilation. So, yeah, even today this practice is no laughing matter.

Back in the 21st century, it's your call as to whether you want to do this at all. You may consider asking your girlfriend's father for his blessing, rather than permission. But the guys at GroomGroove.com have got a better idea. The smart groom should consider having this conversation with his girlfriend's parents (both father and mother) rather than following last century's rules. That's an appropriate approach, and going to win you some serious bonus points. In fact, both you and your girlfriend, together, could approach both sets of parents.

Here's how to do it:

• Call your bride's parents in advance, to tell them you'd like to meet, privately
• Meet with both her mom and dad
• Meet in person, if possible
• Tell them you love their daughter and you'll treat her with the respect that she deserves
• Bloody-well believe what you just said
• Ask that they bless your union

Of course, they're going to know that this is coming, but that's all part of the tension building, right?

A recent groom in an interview with GroomGroove.com, Jared Price of New York stated, "It actually turned out to be more awkward than I thought it would be." Jared, a blue-blooded American guy was asking his Italian father-in-law to be. "Being from Italy," Price says, "they're a bit more traditional and so I thought it would be a good idea. They don't hide their emotions, so when I asked and her father blankly stared and said, 'Well, you'll have to ask her...' there was either something lost in translation or the idea that he was somewhat cool to the idea. I guess my advice is be prepared for that." (Gulp.)

Regardless of whether you follow tradition to a T, take up our idea, or forgo the concept completely, you're ahead of the game by thinking of whether to ask your pop-in-law for your girlfriend's hand in marriage.

Jason

Tue, Apr.8th 2008
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i think if you do it you will show that you respect the father, which you will need after you get married and would like to borrow his porsche or hopefully get a nice wedding present.

Patrick

Wed, Feb.6th 2008
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I called my future in-laws and met with them in private. I discussed it with both of them, which I really suggest doing, as it includes her mother in the process. Everything went just fine, and her mom even cried a little. However, I really suggest you know the answer going into this, just like knowing the answer your special girl will give too. I absolutely don't regret asking their blessing in advance.

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